Slapped Silly
by Bookdancer
Summary: A story in which Wolf gets slapped. A lot. All in one week. People who slap him so far are: Tom, Eagle, Jack, Fox, Mrs. Jones, Alex, and Smithers
1. Tom and a Mistake

Slapped Silly

**Okay, so this is a silly fanfic in which Wolf gets slapped multiple times. There will be a sequel called Kicked Around. Hopefully better than it sounds. I do not own Alex Rider. Hope you enjoy.**

Tom

_Chelsea Park,_

_Sunday_

Wolf sighed. It was Sunday, the first day of his unit's break. They were walking through a park in Chelsea with Fox, an old unit mate. He subtly looked around, noting the kissing couple, strolling family, chasing squirrels, and a few kids playing football. The sun was shining brightly, making everyone happy after the last rain filled days.

Suddenly, he saw one of the football players break away and run towards his unit. The boy was wearing regular clothes, no jersey, and had black hair and blue eyes. Wolf stepped forward to intercept the boy. Said boy stopped right in front of him and eyed him.

"Are you Wolf?" The kid asked.

Wolf's jaw dropped and he began to splutter, "Wha-, how,"

"I'll take that as a yes."

Then, before Wolf even knew what the kid was doing, he slapped Wolf on the cheek. And boy, did he slap hard.

"That's for Alex." The boy snapped.

Then Fox stepped forward. "Woah, woah, woah, Tom. You know Alex has already forgiven Wolf, right?"

"Oh, uh, he has?" The kid, Tom(?) said. Fox nodded.

Suddenly the kid cocked his head, listening.

"Er, I gotta go." Then he slapped Wolf again.

"What was that for?" Wolf cried.

"Embarrassing me." Tom replied.

Then Tom grinned cheekily at them, turned around, and raced away.

"Sooo." Eagle said. "You know him?"

And so Wolf was slapped for the first time.

**Okay, so not as good as I'd hoped, but I'll hopefully get better.**

**Also, I need people who can slap Wolf. I already have some people in mind, but I need more. And please give me the reason why they would slap Wolf.**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Eagle and His Video Games

Slapped Silly

**... um ... soooooo, I realized that Slapped Silly (and then Kicked Around) will be able to be finished really quickly, so I'm doing this and ESC at the same time. To:**

**everyone who reviewed- Thanks so much!**

**The Silver Pen of Fate- Thanks, I'll probably use it (although I can't promise anything).**

**lackofab8er- Great idea! I'll definitely use it.**

**SilverStar121- Yeah, those'll probably happen.**

**Buninsun- Hmmm... probably... :P**

**Tedrenia- Probably not Sabina, but Mrs. Jones is a good idea.**

**I do not own Alex Rider.**

Eagle

_Eagle's house,_

_Monday_

It all started in Eagle's living room...

"SNAKE!" Eagle yelled. "Why'd you steal my video games?"

"It wasn't me, Eagle, I swear!" Snake protested, dodging a pillow that Eagle threw at him.

"He's right, Eagle." Fox said lazily from his position on a chair. "I saw Wolf hiding them earlier."

"WOLF!" Eagle screeched, sounding, quite ironically, like an eagle.

"Yeah?" Wolf asked, walking out of the kitchen carrying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Why'd you take my video games?"

And then, not even giving Wolf time to answer, Eagle walked up and slap! Eagle slapped Wolf. Hard. Exactly where Tom had slapped him the day earlier.

"What the &%$!, Eagle?" Wolf cried. "I didn't take your video games!"

"Yes you did, Wolf!" Eagle cried. "Fox said he saw you hiding them earlier!"

"Fo-" Wolf started to say, before Eagle slapped him again.

"No lying, Wolf!" The younger man said sternly.

Then he slapped Wolf once more, turned on his heel, and marched out of the living room so he could find his video games.

And so Wolf was slapped for the second time.

**Sooooooo... What'd you guys think?**

**Please review! Oh yeah, and I don't think I need any more ideas. However, if you think of any, I'll be glad to take it.**


	3. Slap, Jack!

**... look, I'm sorry for- dodges pitchfork- not updating, but- shoot, arrows! ... Clint, what are you doing here?- I was busy and I know- rolls under volley of arrows (Clint!)- that's a poor excuse- arrows stop... Thanks, Steve! Wait, you're here, too? You people aren't even supposed to be here! Get back to the Avengers fandom!- especially as I've been writing other things, but -wow, it's easier to talk without things being thrown at you- ya know what, I'm just gonna tell the truth. I forgot about this fic, okay? Not all the time, but I moved, and then I started school, and I had bundles of homework, and then I started crew, and, well, I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did. So sorry. Anyway, to:**

**everyone who reviewed, story alerted, and/or favorite storied- Thank you so much!**

**Uh, there weren't any questions or things for me to respond to, so... yeah. That's it. Anyway, this chappie is starring Jack Starbright. (You know what that means. *wink*)**

**I do not own Alex Rider.**

****Slap, Jack!

_outside Jack Starbright's house,_

_Tuesday_

Wolf glanced around warily. Fox had informed him that someone wanted to talk to him here, and his unit mates had been trying to hook him up with a girl since- well, he wasn't exactly sure. It was a long time, though. So he could never be too careful.

The SAS man walked up the steps to the house he was in front of and rang the door bell, glancing around again. The house was a nice one, though not really what Wolf liked.

The door opened, causing Wolf to turn back around. Unfortunately for Wolf but fortunately for the red-haired, green-eyed woman standing in the doorway, Jack quickly recognized Wolf from the picture Ben had showed her. With a growl, Jack pulled back her hand and smack! She slapped Wolf right on the cheek before slamming the door directly in his face.

And so Wolf was slapped for the third time.

**Oh yeah, and something I forgot to mention in the top AN is that this posting is for my first anniversary on FanFiction! I decided to update all current fics. Note that there are seven of them and I decided this four days before I had to update. I also had to work in factors like eating, sleeping, school, homework, and my mom randomly deciding to make my sister and I clean our room. Not fun.**

**Anyway, please review so I know what you guys think! Let's try and get that review number over twenty!**


	4. Stranger, Danger

_Um, I swear I didn't plan this. At all. See, today is Wednesday in the real world, but also in the Alex Rider world... Again, I didn't plan this. Anyway, I am really sorry about not updating. This is actually the second fic I've updated today, so I guess I'm on a roll. I'm also hoping to update at least one more today, so... yeah!_

_And I'm sorry. My sister just told me that I accidentally posted the prologue of Shooting Blind, my new Hobbit fic, for this chapter instead. Anyone who likes the Hobbit, hope you enjoyed, and if you do or don't like the Hobbit, sorry!_

_Anyway, to:_

_everyone who reviewed, followed, and/or favorited- Thanks so much!_

_PoisonIvy1998- Hey, a Poison Ivy fan? Sorry, I had to point that out. Anyway, I took you're comment to heart. You'll see what happens. :P_

_DrWhy- You're idea has been submitted and accepted! :D_

_I do not own Alex Rider. If I did, well, you can see what would happen to poor Wolf over here..._

Stranger, Danger

_a random super market in Chelsea,_

_Wednesday_

"So now he's- Are you even listening?!"

Wolf grunted absentmindedly at Fox's question as he walked down the cereal isle.

"Why should I care about the kid?" He asked. "All he ever was was annoying and botherso- ow!" He howled at the punch, remarkably like his namesake. "What was that for?!"

"For insulting Alex!" Fox replied indignantly. "He's like my little brother, and you just... just... argh!" The brown-haired man let out a growl of annoyance and stormed away, fists clenched at his sides and back straight.

Wolf blinked in surprise. Well that was unexpected.

"Oh, wait!" Fox said suddenly, turning around and walking up to Wolf. He seemed to examine him for a couple of seconds before... slap! Then he left once more.

"You poor dear!" An old woman with white, short hair exclaimed as she watched. She hurried up to Wolf and gave him a quick hug before walking away. Wolf stared after both people, dumbfounded. What had just happened?

And so Wolf was slapped for the fourth time.

_And that's it. Three more chapters, then on to Kicked Around. See you next time!_

_And please review!_


	5. Not a Sweet Flower

_Ok, so first off I'm going to apologize for any mistakes I make. I'm writing this on my phone, and auto correction can be a bit of a butt sometimes. Second off, can I get a cheer for updating twice within two days? Whoohoo! Also, I'm not going to directly answer any reviews as I don't think there were any questions and it's just... Phone. Yeah. However, thank you to those who did review, follow, and/or favorite this fic._

_I do not own Alex Rider._

Not a Sweet Flower

_Mrs. Jones' office,_

_Thursday_

"Look, Tulip, I- Woah!" Wolf let out a gasp as he leapt backward to avoid Mrs. Jones' fist. He hadn't meant for this to happen. If anything, he had been meaning to avoid it. But some things, he guessed, couldn't be helped.

"Don't call me that!" The woman in front of him snarled, rearing back to deliver... Wolf gasped. A slap!

He shrieked (in a very manly way, mind you), clutching his cheek. Out of all of the slaps he had received in the past several days, this one took the cake.

Mrs. Jones shoved Wolf out of the door, yelling after him, "And don't come back until you've learned to respect your superiors!"

And so Wolf was slapped for the fifth time.

_And that's it! Auto correct was seriously messed up during this, but I made do. Hope it's okay._

_And don't hesitate to review!_


	6. Rider

_Alright, something's wrong with me. I'm updating from my phone yet again. Anyway, sorry for the wait, and thanks for the reviews, follows, and faves. I've also got news. There is no longer going to be a sequel to this. As soon as I'm done with this and ESC I'm leaving the AR fandom. Sorry, I'm just not interested anymore. Anyway, I do not own Alex Rider. Enjoy._

Rider

_Friday_

Alex leapt to his feet in an instant, not even hesitating in what he was about to do. He was going to kill that man. Wolf gulped and backed away nervously, not quite sure if what the teen was about to do would be beneficial toward his health.

"You just don't get it, do you?" Alex growled. "I'm not Double o' Nothing! My name is Alex Rider. Or Cub if you really want. Nothing else, you got that, Wolfie?"

And then he did it. The thing Wolf had been dreading. His cheek stung after and his hand instinctively went to it.

And so Wolf was slapped for the sixth time.

_Only one more chapter left. :) Please review!_


	7. Um Ow?

_Okay, so this is the last chapter and, like I said previously, there will no longer be a sequel. Sorry, but I'm just not up to it and it didn't really serve as any relevance anyway. To:_

_everyone who ever reviewed, followed, and/or favorited this fic- Thanks so much! I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting so long._

_pokes- I actually really like that idea. Here it is! :D Well, actually only part of it... But it still counts! :P_

_I do not own Alex Rider._

Um... Ow?

(The title was originally 'Um... Will You Take Away My Man Card if I Say Ow?', but I decided it was too long.)

Smithers was, in Wolf's opinion, disturbingly close to him. As in inside of his personal bubble. There could be no more than six inches between the two, and Smithers was rather large. No, he took that back. He was _very _large.

On the other hand, Smithers believed himself to be in the perfect spot, with just the right amount of space between himself and... and _him_. This abominable creature who _dared_ to call himself a human being - call himself a man. Because he was most definitely _not_ a homio sapien, let alone a man. Smithers thought about that for a couple of seconds before mentally nodding, liking it. Then he spoke.

"_What_ did you _do_?" It was said in a rather low, rough voice, and Wolf had to admit it - he was scared.

"Um... I may or may not have accidentally completely not on purpose dropped this..." The SAS soldier paused for a second, thinking of the right word, before continuing on. "- uh, _gadget _-" Yes, that was the right word. "- onto the ground. And, um, I may not have caught it in time."

The gadget in question was, actually, one of Smithers' favorites. And it was only a prototype. As a matter of fact, it was the _only_ gadget, and Smithers was _not_ happy. A scowl decorated the pudgy man's face. Yep, definitely not happy.

"It was an accident, I swear!" Wolf cried, but Smithers only scowled more, observed him for one second, and then stepped back. The shorter man was sighing, thankful he got away, when it happened.

A _smack!_ resounded throughout the room, and Wolf almost yelped only to pause. "Um, will my man card be taken away if I say ow?"

Another smack echoed the first, and Smithers almost smiled at the sound. "You're man card's already gone."

And so Wolf was slapped for the seventh time.

_And that's the end. Frankly, I'll admit it - this was my favorite chapter. Thanks to _pokes_ for the idea! More thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed, and/or favorited. And thanks for reading! Don't hesitate to review, or Smithers will smack you! :P_


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